It’s Ohio–you have to make your own fun. “Fun,” in this case, was celebrating St. Patrick’s Day by getting a free order of fries from Burger King because it came with green ketchup.
Now, I’m somewhat of a ketchup connoisseur. I don’t say this to brag or make you feel inferior, but it’s important for you to realize that I’ve tried many brands, in several different countries. I know that in Australia, it’s called “tomato sauce” and is runny. I know that generic types are usually sweeter than Heinz. And I know that when it’s old, the color turns dark. I also know that when I eat something with ketchup, without fail, I will spill some on myself.
But I had never tried green ketchup before. A few years ago, when Heinz tried to sell it in stores–to appeal to kids or something, I don’t know–I refused to try it. It just looked gross. I understand it’s only food coloring, and it doesn’t affect the taste, but, well, yuck.
So this St. Patrick’s Day, I decided to take a risk. What’s the worst that could happen? The experience would be so traumatizing that it would give me a permanent aversion to ketchup in all forms? Yep, that’d be pretty bad. But I decided to try it anyway.
If you’ve ever tried green ketchup, you know that the biggest challenge is simply to get yourself to put it in your mouth. It may taste like ketchup, but it looks like paint, and it’s hard to get past the disconnect to dip a fry in something that should never go near your lips. So I only used a little bit of it–less than one packet–for an entire small package of fries, which is also a first for me.
The good news is that I lived. The bad news is that being dyed green doesn’t keep the ketchup from mysteriously ending up on my shirt.