The reasons I haven’t ever had a manicure before include:
- I see no reason to pay for something that is just going to start chipping off the next day
- I’m not a big fan of strangers touching me
- I don’t care how my nails look
Notice “I’m afraid of the pain” was not one of these reasons.
Looking back on it, I should have known. As far as I know, there’s no procedure in existence that isn’t supposed to hurt that won’t end up hurting me. Why would I think, for even a second, that sitting in a chair while someone paints my nails wouldn’t cause me pain? Oh. Because that is ridiculous.
And yet. When this woman started prodding at my cuticles with a metal stick, it hurt. When my cuticles started turning red from the pressure, I wondered if I had somehow wandered into the secret torture manicure section of the salon. When one cuticle started bleeding, I realized the problem was simply that I am not normal and my threshold for pain has been designed in such a way that a universally relaxing, pleasant experience turns out to be something I can’t tolerate.
Luckily, I had a gift card, which is the reason I even got the manicure in the first place, so at least I didn’t have to use my own money to pay for pain. Praise 50 Shades of Grey all you want (I mean, do it as far away from me as possible), but pain is not pleasure. There is one shade of lavender on my nails, and I will never let someone else put it there again.