I don’t believe in fate. Well, to be more accurate, I think fate is not responsible for anything people attribute to it. Fate is lazy, and fate isn’t around enough to do any of the things it supposedly does.
But yesterday, for a minute, I believed in it.
Long story short: I almost met a guy from a dating site 2 years ago, but then I developed a sickness that turned into a sinus infection that resulted in a trip to the emergency room, and by the time I felt well enough to meet him, I had already seen another guy a few times and didn’t feel right seeing this first guy. Fast forward 2 years. Skip over the long-term relationship. Breeze by the quitting of the job, the leaving of the city. Shoot past the living in Ohio. Arrive at now.
Now, when I’m so much more capable of being someone worth dating. Now, when I’m so much more at ease with myself. Now, when I have so much more of an idea of the kind of person I should be with.
Now, I receive a text from the guy from 2 years ago. Asking how I am, asking if I remember him, asking if I’m married.
And though (good, yes, no) it probably won’t turn out to be anything more than a long overdue first meeting, for a minute there yesterday, I let myself revel in the possibility that fate had shown up and actually done something for once. How else would the stars have aligned so that someone I never knew wanted to know me after so long?
I mean, the stars could have aligned without fate’s help, sure. Or, more likely, it’s just yet another random happening that because I am a human woman and therefore more inclined toward the romanticizing of everyday situations I’m choosing to assign more meaning to than it actually holds. I know it’s the latter, and yet, for a moment–
I don’t like the idea of fate swooping in and doing our hard work for us, but…I don’t know, after 28 years, I guess I’m not quite so averse to the suggestion that I might get a little break, that I might just get to sit back and let things happen and see where they lead. It’s an impossible suggestion to take seriously if you’re someone like me who agonizes over which coat to put on in the morning, but still. It’s something to consider. For a minute.