#533: Cry in Target

28 Oct

Crying in Target is akin to crying at Disney World.  If anyone saw you, they’d be like, “Hey!  How can you cry in the happiest place on earth/a pretty good replacement for the ease of suburban mall shopping?” (depending on the location).

The point is, in both places, you’re supposed to be in a good mood because of all the happy going on around you.  Not that it isn’t slightly creepy the way both establishments achieve this facade of ultimate happiness.  I mean, the whole reason I was at Target in the first place was to return a pair of underwear I’d bought a couple of weeks earlier that I thought matched a bra I’d also bought there.  When I got home, I realized the shades of purple were very close but not quite the same.  So I brought the underwear back to the store only to discover that, when viewing them under the special high-powered fluorescent–or whatever they are–Target lighting, they DID look like they were exactly the same color.  Target somehow has magic lights that make you think things match when they don’t!  That’s some sophisticated brain-washing.

Anyway, so I was starting to cry but knew how ridiculous I would look (not because openly crying in the middle of any store on a Sunday is weird, but just because of the whole happy-inducing qualities of Target, remember), so I quickly brought whatever random clothing items I’d put into my basket to the changing room so I could “try these on.”  The woman directed me to the first stall (perhaps because the tears that had already started slipping onto my cheeks warned her she shouldn’t let me too far out of sight), where I promptly fell to the floor and sobbed.

The good news is that, unbeknownst to me, I had tissues in my purse, so I didn’t have to use my sleeve to catch the snot and salt erupting from all facial openings.

The other good news is that, even once I thought I’d finally gotten myself under control for the moment and creeped out of the dressing room to finish my shopping for cheap crackers and cereal, I couldn’t help continuing to cry, so I had to escape from the store immediately and therefore wasn’t able to pause to pick up the Mint Milano cookies that, while a very good deal for the sale price listed, would have only been a temporary cure for the tears and so not really necessary.

Though I do wish I had them right now.


Posted by on October 28, 2013 in People


Tags: , , , , ,

2 responses to “#533: Cry in Target

  1. apartmentwife

    October 28, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    this is absolutely hilarious and i would have loved nothing more than to do this with you. how did you work up the tears?

    • fishmongerairlines

      October 29, 2013 at 7:40 am

      Thanks! I keep a supply of tears on hand for situations such as this (didn’t hurt that I was also devastated, but I couldn’t have done it without the full tear tank).


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