I’ve never understood cheating.
I understand a desire to kiss someone so strong that you think you cannot wait another minute. I get the feeling of urgency those of us who live with excessive passion experience when we come across a human being who seems to be an extension of our own soul. I can believe in a spark so authentic that the only right decision appears to be to push away everything else that was ever important to you and concentrate solely on this individual.
What I can’t comprehend is how, if one is feeling these intense emotions, that doesn’t compel them to wait just 2 minutes to either 1.) call their significant other and tell them they met someone else, or 2.) reconsider whether a few seconds/minutes/hours of pleasure is worth the destruction of a relationship.
But what happened last night isn’t relevant to dealing with emotions, since what happened last night is this: a guy went to a 4th of July party. He tried hitting on a few different women. I was the only one receptive to the attention who stayed for the fireworks. My friends encouraged me to flirt with him simply because he was attractive. I got a weird vibe from him but went along with their suggestion, sort of (inasmuch as, even at 30 years old, I”m not quite sure how to flirt and therefore never know at a given moment whether or not I’m actually doing it). When I left the party, the guy walked with me halfway to the train, made out with me, and then said, “I’m kind of an asshole.”
“Oh yeah?” I said.
“I have a girlfriend,” he said.
I walked away.
At least he was correct in his self-labeling.
But what was even more disturbing to me than the fact that this guy would go to a 4th of July party without his girlfriend, put his arms around another girl while watching the fireworks, kiss another girl on a street corner, and then not seem at all apologetic when he made his admission to cheating, was the fact that this guy’s friends were also at the party and didn’t appear to see anything wrong with what he was doing.
I’m not saying it was his friends’ responsibility to ensure the guy didn’t cheat on his girlfriend. I’m just saying it was apparently so commonplace for him to be groping strangers that they didn’t think anything of it. And that’s messed up.
On the one hand, I feel bad for the girlfriend and wish I had a way to contact her and tell her what a jerk her boyfriend is. On the other hand, I wonder if she already knows.
I’ll never understand cheating, but I guess from now on I’ll have to ask guys whether they have a girlfriend before I let them kiss me. Or just never kiss anyone. That sounds easier.