#938: Go water running

16 Mar

The person who invented the float belt you wear while water running in deep water had little understanding of the human body’s shape. Let me rephrase that. Like the person who invented the FlipBelt, the person who invented the float belt did not take into account the shape of your average person.

Wait. What I really mean to say is I would be shocked to find out either of these accessories was invented by a woman.

I would love to tell you how my experience of water running went, but I can’t. All I was aware of the entire time was my swim belt.

Allegedly, the swim belt is meant to be worn low, below your waist. This part of the body is, for many women, a larger section than, say, the waist, where the belt continuously attempts to slide up to. After repeatedly urging us to push the belt down as far as it would go, the instructor (a woman) finally admitted defeat and said to just tighten it as much as we could, wherever it ended up staying. She also said it was probably invented by a man.

I haven’t looked up this very reasonable claim because I don’t want to spend more energy on this belt than I already did during the half hour of class.

Suffice it to say, my belt couldn’t be pulled tight enough to stay anywhere, so it kept riding up, and eventually, once I was breathing more heavily, it was simply digging into my ribs trying to stop me from breathing at all.

I’m sure water running is a great exercise. I always hear about how good it is for the joints since it puts no pressure on them. Maybe I would even enjoy the workout in the shallow end.

But from my extremely limited experience, water running is like the treadmill: unnatural, uncomfortable, and an ultimately undesirable way to burn calories.

Unlike the treadmill, it does not make me stare at myself in the mirror while working up a sweat, so give it one extra point, please.

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Posted by on March 16, 2017 in Sports


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