Category Archives: Animals

#942: Choose cage-free eggs

It seems like a no-brainer to purposely pick cage-free eggs.

What kind of a person wants animals to suffer if they don’t have to?

A terrible person.

What kind of person has, up until now, always chosen the cheapest eggs without bothering to think about what that meant for the animals they came from?

A somewhat terrible person. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on April 2, 2017 in Animals


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#859: Georgia Aquarium

This aquarium is the largest in the western hemisphere, so it gives visitors plenty of opportunity to showcase how otherwise intelligent human beings can be incredibly rude and insensitive.

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Posted by on January 11, 2016 in Animals


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#810: Get clawed by crabs

I love the water–ocean, lake, river, whatever.  Give me a chance to go in it (and some decent weather, of course), and I’m there.

So it was with great regret that about 6 or 7 years ago I discovered jellyfish and Portuguese man o’ war.  After having been in the ocean dozens of times (growing up near Lake Erie meant most of my beach experiences had been in fresh water), I suddenly had a reason to fear the warm, salty seas of Florida, and it was unnerving. Could I ever go back into the water knowing these creatures capable of such painful stings were in there waiting for me?

Well, yes.  I wouldn’t go back in on a particular day I was stung, but I would go in on the next one, and I would mostly forget about the stinging terror that lurks in the ocean.

Yesterday, I was reminded not everything in the water is soft and fuzzy when suddenly a crab grabbed my toe. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on August 2, 2015 in Animals


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#359: Hold a rooster

You basically have 2 choices when someone randomly comes up to you and asks, “Were you the one who wanted to hold the rooster?”

You can either:

  1. Say no and back away quickly.
  2. Say, “No, but if you want me to, I can.”

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Posted by on December 25, 2012 in Animals



#259: Photograph an animal cracker

I wanted to post this on facebook but I was afraid all of the people who saw it in their news feeds would be dangerously jealous.  After all, they only ever post pictures of elaborate meals they’ve made, and lists of foods they are about to cook and praises from the people who eat their feasts.  They have to rely on photos of intricate dishes they’ve slaved away on all day solely for the sake of bragging to their online friends about how they are capable of following a recipe.

I feel bad for them, really. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on September 16, 2012 in Animals, Food/Drink


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#235: Bronx Zoo

Remember when I said there’s a lot of competition for the stupidest thing I’ve ever done?  Good news: I’ve found the winner–going to the Bronx Zoo on “pay what you wish” day.

I’ve always hated crowds, but living here has obviously forced me to deal with them.  I’ve gotten used to people shoving and stepping on me throughout the day.  I’ve gotten accustomed to the fact that while everyone else pushes their way into the subway car, no one will ever move when I’m trying to get on.  I’ve become immune to the screams from tired children and desensitized to strollers running over my feet.

None of that prepared me for what I would encounter at the zoo. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on August 23, 2012 in Animals


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#226: Squeeze the poison out

A week ago, I woke up at 3am with an intense pain in my arm.  Unable to comprehend where it was coming from, I turned the light on.  There, hanging out next to me in bed, was a spider.  I immediately killed it (which I later came to realize was the wrong thing to do, because I wasn’t able to identify it–apparently a crucial step in spider bite care).  The back of my arm continued to throb right above my elbow, and the spot around the bite got red and swollen.  I googled “what to do for a spider bite,” hoped that wouldn’t be my final google search ever, followed the instructions, and tried, unsuccessfully, to fall back to sleep for an hour.  The pain was awful.  The fear that I’d have to visit a hospital without accompanying health insurance was more painful.

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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Animals


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